humbling

Tonight Lucy was sitting in the bathroom, doin' her business, and I hear her yell, "Mom, I love you!"  I was in the kitchen and as I was making my way over to the bathroom to respond to her,  I got to the door just in time to her her say again, "Mom, I love you a whole bunch, I love you even when you yell." 

Ouch! That was a mommy reality check. I try not to yell, but I do raise my voice when she's misbehaving and last week I was totally guilty of yelling. We'd had a rough day and Lucy was throwing a fit for the ump-teenth time that day and I finally snapped and yelled "Stop it" as loud as I could.  I didn't exactly yell at her, but I still shouldn't have done it.  So tonight when she said that to me, it really made me stop and think.  I don't always use the nicest tone, after being asked "why?" for the 10th time it's hard to respond pleasently. And with the stress of 2 babies who are not napping well and one who is hardly ever happy unless I'm holding her...our days are hard sometimes.

I'm such a work in progress. It's a good thing God's not finished with me yet. I've got a lot that needs improving. I'm so glad that my Heavenly Father is merciful and forgives me when I screw up. 

not as ready as I thought

So, about 4 months ago when we were in the height of our sleep deprivation and chaos of caring for 2 newborns. I told Dan that I was done...no more babies. I couldn't do this again, it was too hard and I am getting too old to be doing this. I began thinking about how good it would feel to have a yard sale and start purging some of this baby stuff that's taken over our life.

Fast forward 4 months:  Last night, I was going through tubs of clothes the girls have outgrown already. I wanted to start sorting things for a yard sale. As I was going through the clothes it made me realize that I really don't know if we're "done".  I don't think I want go through pregnancy again or the newborn stage, but I'm really not sure our family feels complete yet.  Dan and I have talked and we know we want to try fostering at some point and adoption is something we want to strongly consider. So, I don't know. I was so gung-ho on getting rid of stuff, but now I'm having mixed emotions...and maybe that's natural for anyone if they think that they're not going to have any more babies. 

When you're "done", do you just know it?

Well, after a whole week of not showering...I really don't have any answers. I had a slight reaction to nickle...but wether or not that's causing the soreness on my hands...I don't know.  Nickle is in everything. It's in food, household items, pots and pans, utensils...and many other things.  It's frustrating. 

It's gonna be a long week

I have been dealing with dermatitis ( kinda like excema) on my hands since Fall of 2009. All of a sudden one day I noticed a small itchy red patch of skin on my left hand right above my thumb nuckle.  It would come and go and some days it would be really itchy. Then a few weeks after that spot appeared, I got a strange spot on my left index finger. Fast forward to over a year later, my left hand/fingers are sore and cracked and raw in spots. It's really dry and flakey and my hands hurt alot of the time. It's so annoying and frustrating because hand washing actually makes it worse. I have 2 babies and a toddler so I feel like I'm washing my hands all the time.  Any time I clean or know I'm going to have to wash up a few dishes I have to put on gloves.  It's just something that I hate having to deal with.

I managed to go a whole year with it just on my left hand. Then out of the blue this past November, right before I had the girls, I noticed a small itchy patch on my right hand and I knew immediately what it was. 

I've been to the dermatologist many times in last year and per her instructions, I've switched all my soaps and detergents, I can only use Dove soap and Cetaphil lotions.  Nothing seems to make a bit of difference. I am having some type of allergic reaction to something but I can't figure out what it is.  I was prescribed a steriod cream to use and in the beginning it worked pretty well. But...it's losing it's affect. My body is not responding to the cream as well as it used to. So, this week I'm taking the next step in trying to figure out what's causing this. I'm doing skin testing.

This morning I went in and they put 3 sticky strips on my back that contain 29 of the most common household chemicals.  The hope is I will show some type of reaction and then we'll have some answers. The bad part of all this is that I'm not allowed to get the strips wet, which means no showers! That wouldn't be so terrible if I didn't have to wait till FRIDAY!!!  Yep, a whole week without a real shower. I'm going to feel so gross by the end of the week. I'm allowed to sponge bathe and I can wash my hair in the sink, but it's not going to be the same.

I go back in on Wednesday and they'll take the patches off and see if there's a reaction. But, I still have to wait unitl Friday to see if there's a delayed reaction.  I just pray there's an answer because I dread having to deal with this the rest of my life.

The babies have another cold! This is their 3rd cold in their short 5 little months of life. I feel like we're never going to get healthy around here. Poor Annie, she finished up her last dose of antibiotic that we got for her second cold that started affecting her breathing, and a week later, she had another cold starting in. Lucy is sure great at sharing. She seems to be picking up everything these days. I'm convinced it's because she's discovered 2 nifty little holes in her nose that are the perfect place for her fingers!  
Annie still manages to sleep good at night even when she's sick, Molly on the other hand, does not! It's so frustrating because she was starting to sleep so good at night and we had moved her back into the nursery with Annie and they were both really sleeping well at night. Now...we're back to square 1 with Molly. She's back in the pack n play in our closet. She is just making too much noise throughout the night to be with Annie. Dan and I are both up multiple times to stick her paci back in. And here we had just made great progress on her sleeping without it! 

5 months

Annie and Molly are 5 months old!

So, it's been 5 months. And it feels like it's been 5 months if not longer. Things are definitely getting better. The girls are sleeping all night for the most part. Annie is our "better" more predictable sleeper. She will sometimes wake in the night and fuss, but it only lasts a few seconds and then she's quiet. Molly is doing well, but we still have many times where she wakes and cries for 10 minutes or so. She's still learning to soothe herself. Some nights she does great and we don't hear a peep, other night's we hear lots of peeps! :) But, that being said, they are going to bed around 6-6:30 pm and sleeping till at least 6am. So, I can't complain too much. We are all getting more sleep and that makes for a happier family.

It's fun to watch the girls start to become their own little person. Annie is our laid back girl. She's usually happy and smiley but she's more reserved and quiet than Molly. Molly is all smiles and laughs. She does both so easily. She appears to be the more outgoing one and the one that'll be more spunky. Molly is also the one that always tries to grab/hold Annie's hand or arm when they are laying side by side. Molly's always liked and needed to be held more than Annie and I think she's going to be our "touchy-feely" girl.

We've started cereal in the last few weeks. I could have started at 4 months, but adding one more thing into our day seemed like an impossible task, so I waited a little longer. We don't do it every night, but a few times a week when I feel like we have the time to do it.  Annie's doing well and seems to be getting the hang of it. Molly is doing much better with it as well. The first time she tried it she cried and gagged. She was not a fan.

I am soooo frustrated too that Lucy seems to be getting another cold! Annie is just finishing up the antibiotic from the cold Lucy gave her 3 weeks ago!!! (it went to her chest and caused some respiritory issues)  I don't want to go through this again so soon!! If they catch it, it'll be their 3 cold in 5 months! GRRRR!!  Lucy just picks up everything. I know I can't shield them from everything, but geeze, give us some time to be healthy for awhile!

Confession

Confession: I have yet to wash the crib sheets that my girls are sleeping on. Well, Annie's the only one who's consistently in her bed every day, but still...what kind of mother am I?? It's been 4 months!!! And, *gasp*, I never washed them after taking them out of the package!!!! 

Let me tell you why. It'll make me feel better to defend myself here.  I put the sheets on the mattresses knowing that for the first 3-4 weeks the babies were going to sleep in the pack n plays in our room. My thinking was that I didn't want to wash the sheets and then let them sit on the mattresses for a month or more collecting dust and have to be rewashed again later. So, I put the sheets on fully intending to wash them once we'd decided to move the girls to their cribs. Well...that didn't happen...sleep deprivation was too much.

Just so you don't think I'm completely horrible, I do have pads down on top of the sheets where the babies heads lay so if they spit up or something I can change them and I have washed and changed the pads many times. It's just the sheets that I need to do. It really wasn't a huge deal till now because now, Annie is starting to rotate herself in the bed as she sleeps.

Maybe tomorrow I'll get to those sheets...